"Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?"— Tao Te Ching
You're exactly right Alan that catching that spike and then deciding what to do with it is the essence of self-control. When someone offers constructive feedback with good intent, the right answer is always to be open-minded. 99% of the time that's the way to handle it. Of course, every once in a while we run into people with malice in mind and there's a place for reacting forcefully to those.
Thanks for this. I'd push back a little on framing it as self-control, though. That word implies suppression, managing the feeling before it escapes. What Singer's pointing at is something different: not controlling the reaction but watching it from one step back, so you're not operating on autopilot in the first place.
And on the malice point, I think the pause matters even more then. Reacting forcefully from a clear head lands differently than reacting forcefully because you got poked.
Thanks Alan, perhaps self-control isn't the right phrase but there is definitely value in skipping a beat. We need to suppress our gut reactions if only for a moment before stepping back to develop a more conscious response. And yes, calmly reacting to a bad actor is far more effective than an emotionally driven reflex response. To your original point, it's important for others to feel valued when they bring up relevant issues, it's a pillar of creating trust and a sense of teamwork.
"Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?"— Tao Te Ching
You're exactly right Alan that catching that spike and then deciding what to do with it is the essence of self-control. When someone offers constructive feedback with good intent, the right answer is always to be open-minded. 99% of the time that's the way to handle it. Of course, every once in a while we run into people with malice in mind and there's a place for reacting forcefully to those.
Thanks for this. I'd push back a little on framing it as self-control, though. That word implies suppression, managing the feeling before it escapes. What Singer's pointing at is something different: not controlling the reaction but watching it from one step back, so you're not operating on autopilot in the first place.
And on the malice point, I think the pause matters even more then. Reacting forcefully from a clear head lands differently than reacting forcefully because you got poked.
Thanks Alan, perhaps self-control isn't the right phrase but there is definitely value in skipping a beat. We need to suppress our gut reactions if only for a moment before stepping back to develop a more conscious response. And yes, calmly reacting to a bad actor is far more effective than an emotionally driven reflex response. To your original point, it's important for others to feel valued when they bring up relevant issues, it's a pillar of creating trust and a sense of teamwork.