I’ve had a long career in software and I estimate I’ve seen a few hundred workplace arguments in that time. A lot of those arguments were beneficial and ended with critical decisions being made. Some of those arguments were not (my manager once kicked a hole in wall outside of the “war room” in Microsoft’s building 27 after a blow up with a peer).
It Starts with Trust
The difference between a “good” argument and a “bad” one comes down to trust and psychological safety. Lencioni famously discusses necessity of trust in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. Without trust, people can’t have the necessary conflict needed to make decisions - and if decisions can’t be made with input from others, there really isn’t a way to achieve anything.
I’ve been there. I’ve worked for leaders who wanted to call all of the shots. Alternative ideas were shut down. The people on the team didn’t feel bought into the work and they didn’t know why their work was important. They became disengaged, and velocity and quality plummeted.
I’ve also worked on teams where it was not only OK to disagree or offer a different opinion or solution, it was expected. The leader says that we’re going north, and it’s perfectly fine for the person hired out of college three weeks ago to ask why we’re not going east. The best ideas always happen when there is conversation, discussion and debate. More importantly, when people feel like they can contribute and that their voice will be heard, they buy into the idea, they find purpose in their work, and engagement increases.
Debate the Idea
Encouraging conflict doesn’t mean that you get to be mean. If Greg wants to build a CI pipeline using Perl and shell scripts, don’t tell Greg that he’s an idiot with no clue. Humans usually fall in love with their first idea to solve a problem, so rather than end any chance of Greg listening to you, ask questions about the idea and engage Greg in constructive debate about the idea. Behavior comes from motivation and experience. By asking Greg questions about other CI systems he’s considered, or if perl is the best language for maintainability and bringing new team members on board you may find that he just really loves Perl and is most comfortable himself working with shell scripts. Help Greg see the big picture, but respect where he’s coming from.
Don’t Stop…Fighting
A humongous trap I’ve seen some teams fall into is to stifle any conflict the moment it happens. Teams where conflict is avoided, and arguments are stifled immediately are worse than Nick kicking a hole in the wall. I’ve seen leaders so averse to conflict that the moment they see any, they find a way to make it go away. Swooping in to stop a heated conversation may be a good idea if the attacks are personal, but vigorous debates on the best way to solve a problem need to be celebrated. It’s how the good stuff gets done.
Inclusion
Here’s the important part. Two people respectfully debating is far better than one person calling the shots. But to get the really good ideas, we need to get everyone involved. In a planning session, two team members debating priority is good, but everyone debating is magic. I don’t mean that a planning session should be a chaotic free for all, but it’s important to draw everyone into the conversation. Sometimes it’s hard to get a word in when two people are arguing, so make sure there’s space for people to contribute. If someone hasn’t said anything in a while, ask them for an opinion. Listen to what they have to say and connect it to the rest of the conversation. Celebrate the diversity of your team by ensuring that you are hearing from everyone.
Worth noting that all of this can be done in a meeting room, a virtual call, or over Slack. In an async discussion, “@” people and ask them to chime in. Make sure everyone’s opinion is valued.
Practice
This shit’s hard - but worth it. You can build trust and psychological safety at the same time you’re practicing constructive conflict. If you see (or are involved with) an argument about ideas, stop, point it out, and celebrate it. Make sure your teams know that arguing about ideas is a good thing. Invite your team members to push back on ideas and welcome their feedback. Encourage respectful conflict as often as you can. You’ll get better ideas and a better performing team. Trust, psychological safety, and inclusive debates aren’t just fun goals - they are an absolute necessity for success in the modern workplace.