The Importance of Being Wrong
big egos and lack of self-awareness are the bane of good leadership
Many years ago, my skip level manager was a guy named Peter. Yesterday (ish?) I ran into an old colleague and I was reminded of some of the awkwardness of that time. Peter’s role in another division disappeared as part of a re-org, and he somehow sold himself into a leadership role in our org. Peter came into our org with a lot of baggage - he was out of his element, he had a huge ego, and he had a chip on his shoulder.
I don’t have any ill-will towards Peter - he was a symptom of that time at Microsoft - mostly, he provides some good examples for this post.
What To Do When You’re New
Peter, unfortunately joined the org with an urgency to hit the ground running. We had an all-hands meeting on his second day where he talked about plans for a lot of things that we’d already done or didn’t make any sense. He talked about investing in a core discipline for our team that we already had. I think Peter thought he was coming into save an organization that didn’t need saving.
When you’re new in a role, but best thing you can do is to be curious. Even if it’s something you’re confident in, take time to learn the business, learn the organization and learn the people. The First 90 Days, by Michael Watkins (a book valuable for anyone in a new role), suggests that leaders approach new roles with a beginner's mindset, acknowledging that they don't have all the answers and to focus on learning about the organization, its culture, and its challenges.
Learning is often more important than knowing.
Ego Problems
It’s very likely that Peter’s ego drove him to the above behavior. In a post from (roughly) a year ago, I mentioned the concept of “the box” from Leadership and Self-Deception.
sometimes we treat people as objects (or cogs in a machine) instead of as people because of self-betrayal or self-deception - and that sometimes we’re in a “box” where we resist others instead of treating them as we should. When you’re “in the box” people follow you through force or threat of force - if they follow you at all. When you’re out of the box, people follow you because you care, inspire, and build trust.
Peter was in the box.
I’ve been picking on Peter using Peter as an example, but I think we can all find places where ego has undermined our ability to build trust or lead teams. Our egos can prevent us from holding ourselves accountable when things don’t go well or to blame instead of admitting when we’re wrong and learning from the situation.
Even worse, if our ego gets in the way of us seeing beyond our own view, we make bad decisions. I made a bad hire once. I didn’t want to believe it was a bad hire, so I let my ego get in the way and didn’t deal with it. I ignored feedback from others saying that this person wasn’t performing. Eventually, I pulled my head out of my ass and took care of it. If my ego didn’t get in the way, I could have learned my lesson a lot faster. These days when my team or peers give me feedback - even if I don’t believe it (at first), I take it much more seriously.
I’ve (unfortunately) worked with a few leaders who felt that they were never wrong, and when challenged, would change their stance. Their ego was in the way. As leaders, our words carry weight, so it’s critical to admit when we’re wrong, and encourage our teams to challenge what we say.
It’s good to be wrong - but we need to acknowledge it and learn.
The Need for Humility
Several of Jerry Weinberg’s books (I highly recommend Secrets of Consulting) stress that effective leaders recognize their limitations and are willing to admit when they don't have all the answers. He calls out the need for a humble attitude that encourages openness to feedback, continuous learning, and collaboration with others.
But one of my favorite books on humility in leadership is (of course) Getting Naked by Patrick Lencioni. Both this Lencioni book and the Weinberg books are technically about consulting, but I find the points quite applicable to leadership. For example, Lencioni stresses that vulnerability builds trust - that when leaders admit their mistakes or ask for help, that it creates a deeper connection with their clients (or your team).
Lencioni dives into one method of vulnerability that I practice daily - asking dumb questions. In addition to establishing clarity, it demonstrates humility and a willingness to learn.
It’s good to be wrong.
Ditch the Baggage
Before I forget about Peter, the last bit to share is to leave your baggage behind. Sometimes leaders join a new org and want it to immediately be just like their old org. It’s not, and it won’t be - that’s why we take time in new roles to learn the people, technology, existing processes and everything else we need to help lead a new organization.
Peter brought the other kind of baggage - he was openly angry about the job he was removed from and wanted to prove that he was fully capable of running any organization. At the risk of breaking my record for the most book references, in Leadership on the Line, Heifetz and Linsky directly call out the need to let go of past attachments and identities when entering new roles, and encourage leaders to embrace the discomfort of change and focus on the greater purpose of their leadership roles, rather than getting bogged down by personal grievances or insecurities.
Being Wrong
So many great things come from being wrong. When we’re wrong we learn. When we’re wrong and admit it to our teams, it shows vulnerability and builds trust. When we’re wrong our teams learn that it’s ok to be wrong and we begin to build psychological safety. Being wrong is awesome.
I will go as far as to suggest that we all practice being wrong. Try to be wrong about something every day. Normalize being wrong. And then learn from being wrong.
-A 12:0
Thanks Alan for this lovely, thoughtful post! Truly applicable and to be embraced in all teams.