They Won't Wanna

some thoughts on leading vs. telling

“I keep telling them what to do, but they never change”.

This is a line I’ve heard many times from folks I’ve managed or mentored over the years. At Microsoft, I led a few cross-company communities, and a frequent topic among the individual contributors (ICs) were around how to influence without authority. To be fair, middle managers had the same struggles - in fact, a huge number of the leaders (both managers and ICs) I’ve encountered just aren’t that good at getting folks to do things. For reasons that baffle me, they expect their ideas to automatically be accepted - just because. It’s simply not that easy.

The Misconception of Authority and Compliance

Far too many leaders assume their role or title alone should make people act, or do what they’re told. It’s as if they believe the words “manager” or “director” beside their name will naturally generate enthusiasm and dedication from those around them. John Maxwell refers to this as the first level of leadership: position. At this stage, people follow you only because they have to—your authority is positional, based on title alone. But Maxwell goes further, explaining that true influence begins when you reach the second level of leadership, permission—that moment when people choose to follow you because they want to. This shift from “have to” to “want to” is where real leadership begins.

While positional authority might get compliance, it’s rarely enough for meaningful, long-lasting change. People will do what you say when you’re watching, but the minute you turn away, they’re likely to revert to old habits or start questioning why they’re following your instructions in the first place. They’re simply not invested in the work.

This is where compliance and commitment diverge. When people are just complying, they’re often doing the bare minimum. They follow the steps, check the boxes, and get the task done—barely. But commitment is different. When people are committed, they go beyond the surface. They think critically, ask questions, propose improvements, and care about the outcome. Commitment requires buy-in, and buy-in only happens when people are personally invested. They need to see the value, and even more, they need to feel that their role in achieving it matters.

Making People Want to Follow

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because they want to do it.” —Dwight D. Eisenhower

So how do you move from compliance to commitment? Eisenhower’s quote provides a critical insight: real leadership is about getting others to do something because they want to do it. This isn’t about forcing compliance; it’s about creating alignment.

Alignment starts with motivation. To be a leader people want to follow, you have to understand what drives them. Take the time to talk to your team and listen—really listen—to what excites, frustrates, or matters to them. For some, it’s career growth; for others, it’s making a tangible impact. When you align your requests or goals with what’s meaningful to them, you’re no longer asking for a task—you’re creating a sense of purpose.

Creating a sense of shared purpose is one of the most powerful ways to foster real influence. People want to feel they’re part of something bigger than themselves. If you can show how a task or goal contributes to a broader mission, you’re giving them a reason to care. And when they care, they’re more likely to act willingly. They see their work as part of a journey they’re invested in, rather than a chore they’ve been handed.

One of the most simple and overlooked ways to build influence is to lead by example. If you want your team to approach challenges with curiosity, resilience, or a growth mindset, you have to show up that way first. Actions speak far louder than any title or authority ever could. When people see you modeling the behaviors you ask of them, they’re more likely to respect you—and eventually, they might even follow you willingly.

Of course, influence isn’t a quick fix. It’s not something you can develop overnight. Building genuine influence is an ongoing practice. It means consistently showing up, communicating clearly, aligning with your team’s goals, and always striving to foster a sense of shared purpose. Influence is an investment in relationships, not just a transactional ask. The leaders who master this know that influence isn’t about control. It’s about creating an environment where people are motivated to step up because they see value in doing so.

In the end, real influence—genuine, lasting influence—is a choice people make. They choose to follow, not because they have to, but because they believe in you and your vision. That’s leadership at its best, and it’s a level every leader should aspire to reach.